“There ought to be an investigation!”

How many times have you heard that?

“If (fill in the blank) doesn’t win the (MVP, Academy Award, Coach of the Year, First Place in the Goat Roping or Dog and Pony Show, etc.), there ought to be an investigation!”

Well, boy howdy! We have got investigations up our wazoo going on right now around here.

In Gwinnett County, nine teachers, including one principal, are out of a job following an investigation into cheating on standardized tests. Sigh. Big, big sigh. Somewhere along the way we decided that a school teacher’s entire worth — and in some systems, part of their pay and their continued employment — was tied to how well said teachers’ students performed on standardized testing.

That is so wrong in so many ways. Nobody should make decisions on such matters that hasn’t breathed chalk dust and eaten cardboard pizza and canned corn for lunch in a school cafeteria for at least a dozen years. But apparently in a Gwinnett County middle school an unnamed teacher gave eighth-grade students a math formula sheet from the Georgia Milestones test as a study guide. This is a no-no.

One teacher apparently turned in the other teacher, and an investigation was launched and heads rolled. The names have not been released, so we can assume that this investigation was motivated by stupidity of the education system in general.

However, another investigation was launched this week, this one involving former candidate for governor and permanent sore loser, Stacey Abrams. The head of the Georgia Ethics Commission is investigating her because he says hers are questionable. David Emadi, said head, reports that he has received several complaints about Ms. Abrams’ financial dealings before, during and after the 2018 gubernatorial campaign.

Apparently the so-called, alleged complaints — is that ambiguous enough? — target political action committees, special interest groups and other financial organizations associated with Abrams’ campaign.

Abrams’ followers have decried this investigation and call the complaints baseless and insist that they are obviously motivated by racism and sexism and partisanism, which may or may not be an actual word.

For the record, Gov. Brian Kemp has been investigated by the same organization. He came up clean.

Also this week — I told you it has been a busy week — it has been revealed that the city of Atlanta is trying to investigate its own mayor, Keisha Lance Bottoms. But she won’t let them. I ain’t making this up, y’all. I’ve always said that Georgia politics is a spectator sport.

According to published reports, the Atlanta City Council has asked the city auditor to look into a number of hires that Mayor Bottoms made for her staff, primarily campaign aides. The city charter requires that this be done, and you would think that this wouldn’t be a problem since Bottoms promised to run the “most open and transparent administration in Atlanta history.” But not so fast, my friend! You’d be wrong!

Now the administration is telling the investigators that she doesn’t have to produce anything and has no intention of doing so.

Now they are making a federal case out of it and it will take years to resolve — at taxpayers’ expense, of course.

And, of course, we are still dealing with the Mother of All Investigations — that into the dealings of President Donald Trump with Russia. This whole fire was started by the Clinton campaign, of course, and fanned into flames by a Democratic Congress who would rather spend their time trying to thwart the will of the American people by causing President Trump to fail than to come together and solve the problems we face as a nation.

After two years and millions and millions of dollars proved that there had been no collusion with Russia on the part of the president and no obstruction of justice, special counsel and chief opposition minion Robert Mueller decided to continue to stir the pot of dissension by making an ambiguous remark about why he didn’t say, during his investigation, that Trump had not committed a crime.

So the beat goes on — and on and on and on.

I have a few other suggestions for investigations.

Al Sharpton. Come on, IRS. Make the dude pay his taxes!

Dolly Parton. She readily admits that “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap,” but really — does she or doesn’t she?

Hillary. We’ve been wasting our time with everyone else.

Darrell Huckaby is an author in Rockdale County. Email him at dhuck008@gmail.com.

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